Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
