Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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