i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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