I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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