I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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