so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
