he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
