Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
