I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
