people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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