i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
