Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
