If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
