the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize