My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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