im drinking this country out of the recession.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
