Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
