I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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