ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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