I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
