I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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