My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I looked at my own cervix.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
