sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Randomize
