Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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