i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
