my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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