i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
