Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Boobs are out for the taking
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
