I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
