Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
