I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
