It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
