I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
