You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
