Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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