I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
