Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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