Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
