at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
