please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
