Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
