2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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