i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
