i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
