youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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