Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
