her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
