i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
