did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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