she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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