but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
