The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
