Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
did you just send me my own nude
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
