oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
