you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
