new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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