I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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