My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize