i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
