I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your penis caused this!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
