so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You can't special order awesome
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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