I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
