We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
