He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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