Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
