So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just pee around me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
